A brief tirade

I met a friend. Her name is Cindy. We met here in the hospital and we will never get to be "real" friends because she also has CF and they don't let CF people hang out together, but she is my new email/blogging friend. And she has inspired me to do something a little out of character. Here goes:

I hate CF. I hate being in the hospital. I hate my treatments and pills and doctor appointments. I hate all the vacations we have cancelled because I am in the hospital. I hate that my daughter has spent over two months of her short life without a mother at home. I hate Chris sleeping alone at night and I hate his super positive, always supportive "we'll do whatever it takes to make mommy better" attitude (Actually I love and appreciate that. I just hate that he has to be so strong. Go ahead babe, have a break down. I'm doing it.)

I hate the uncertainty of the future, and even the uncertainty of the present. I hate getting poked and I hate hospital food. I hate coughing and I hate that I hate hiking. And I hate that Cindy and I can never be "real" friends.

Now, lest you think this new friend is a bad influence on me, I need to say that she seems able to vent in a way that a little less angry, a little more "let's look at the silver lining" which would normally be my approach as well. But today, for once, this way seemed a little more appropriate.

And...ahh, I feel better already